New Beginnings (over and over)
I used to think that by now, I'd be stable. I used to think that by now (at 26 years old of age), I'd be living in a house that I owned with a husband by my side. I'm single (kind of, it's complicated), and I haven't even decided on where I want to go still, let alone where I want to settle.
I used to think that by now, I'd be a manager at Google. I started coding when I was 12. Although this did not come true, I finally earned my master's degree. It's concentrated around data science and machine learning, so that's exciting.
I'm learning a new language and have lived in a foreign country for 4 years now. Sure, it's not google and I'm not earning a lot but it's something.
But now all what I've built for the past 3-4 years is coming to an end. My boyfriend is moving abroad to a new country. I know what this means. I also have to move to a new city too. This time, without a single person to accompany me. A new city I don't know anyone in. I have to begin again...
I have to leave my dorm room now that I've lived in for the past 3 years. To be honest, I am very scared. Last time, it took a lot of me to literally deconstruct my entire old life. I have lost my friends and the love of my life, any traces of comfort and familiarity, and I put my body, mind and soul through a lot and now, I have to do it again. This time, I won't have a single person to support me through this move.
I'm very, very scared.
But this time, I'm choosing to be optimistic.
- May this new beginning re-construct my life in a positive way.
- May this new beginning lay foundations to a stronger sense of self and a stronger sense of safety and comfort.
- May this new beginning be the setting stone to achieving all of my dreams.
It's going to be really hard but I am choosing to believe that it will be worth it.